Monday, July 27, 2009

I'll carry you up on my back, send for me now to tend to you now...

feeling in a Leonard Cohen mood today...


The reason I write
is to make something
as beautiful as you are

When I'm with you
I want to be the kind of hero
I wanted to be
when I was seven years old
a perfect man

who kills



The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

crying at the doorways of those armies of salvation...

I am bad at writing on here in the summer. I work long hours in the heat and then there are so many things to do when I get home like Taste of Edmonton or camping in Jasper or seeing Cirque Shanghai and Capital Ex. And that's just this week. But right now I am laying in my hammock in the backyard and looking up at the tree above me. Its been real hot today. 28 degrees actually. There's a birdhouse on the tree and the mom bird is sitting in the doorway watching me as she flaps her wings like crazy inside to cool down the babies. Its pretty cool actually.
I went camping in Jasper this past weekend for the first time. I know I know, I've lived in edmonton almost 7 years now and had never made a visit to Jasper. It was beautiful. I got off work early and so Patrick and I rolled into the park as the sun was making everything golden. The lakes and rivers, the trees and mountains, the sky and even the goats were amazing. On Saturday, we went hiking. Well, we went climbing...okay, it was more like scrambling, but for someone like me who has never really um, hiked, well, anything, it was a challenge. Patrick, who works in front of a computer every day, loved it and ran ahead over shale and tree roots and ridiculous inclines. I, who work physical labour every day, struggled to the top of every rise and spent a good few minutes trying to catch my breath at each one (note to self to ask doctor about asthma next time I have an appointment). All in all, I made it well above the tree line and ended up stopping only about 30 minutes short of most everyone else I was with, so I'm proud of me. I'm kind of glad I stopped there while the others continued because it gave me a good amount of time alone at "the top" of this incredible mountain. I did a lot of thinking. I spend almost all my waking hours with people. I wake up, drive to work, drive in the truck and work all day with my crew, come home, go to Patrick's or he comes here and there are friends and roommates and crowds of strangers at the festivals I go to and so I am very rarely alone. I do love being with people. Especially now that Patrick is living in town, but there's something about unsolicited solitude (I think Bethany once or twice has made reference to this...or even maybe coined it?). But as I sat there, hunched behind a rock to stay out of the wind, looking over the valley that I could see well past Hinton, I did a lot of thinking. Mostly I thought about fear. I'm not someone who is easily scared, but lately I've found I've allowed myself to live out of fear too often. I thought about the friends I have who I have a connection with that is often beyond explanation. I thought about the kind of lives I see them having. I thought about how they see my life. I thought that those people are the most important to remember when you start making decisions based on fear, limiting yourself, being too cautious, because they, more than anyone else have a reliable vision of your potential. I don't really know how to explain this, but the friends I have deepest, least explainable connection with, I feel are most reliable and trustworthy when it comes to having a perspective about your unknown future. That wasn't a good way of explaining it. I don't think I can. I can only feel it. My computer is low on batteries though so I must stop here. Maybe I'll pick up this thread again once I've had some time to think of it off a mountain top.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

the colour of our planet from far far away...

I haven't written here in a while. No real excuse this week. It has been raining quite a bit and so I've had a decent amount of time off - also known as time without pay, unfortunately. I've been doing a lot of photo processing and some laundry and cleaning of various areas of my life.
I've been doing a little reading as well. Not as much as I'd like, but a little. I've started "The Diviners" by Margaret Lawrence again. So far, so good. I like the feel of that book.
I've also been paging through my quote book recently and came across this one from the book Gilead:

"Acknowledge that there is more beauty than our eyes can bear, that precious things have been put into our hands and to do nothing to honour them is to do great harm."

I love that.