Thursday, May 28, 2009

sleep on the floor, dream about me....

Tonight I should be sorting laundry. Or processing wedding photos. Or calling my grandma. Or making a lunch for tomorrow. But the sun was so beautiful, I couldn't do any of these yet. I've been sitting on my back porch reading poetry and sipping wine and reading poetry. I've done a lot of poetry reading lately and it has been good. Very good. Hard to explain good. Tonight was a Hafiz night. I have two to share:

Resist your temptation to lie
By speaking of separation from God,

We might have to medicate

In the ocean
A lot goes on beneath your eyes.

They have clinics there too
For the insane
Who persist in saying things like:

"I am independent from the

God is not always around

Pressing against
My body."

The pawn
Always sits stunned,
Chained, unable to move
Beneath God's magnificent power.
It is essential for the heart's coronation
For the pawn to realize
There is nothing but divine movement
In this


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

now if my sky should fall...

Two weeks have past since my last post. As I write this Patrick is back in the air flying home to Ontario. It's been a much better past two weeks. It's been busy, as I've had to work most of the time and Patrick's been out apartment hunting (and scored a really nice one!) but it's still been good. As I drove away from the airport tonight, the most beautiful rainbow I had ever seen was right out in front of me. I didn't have my camera so I will try my best to explain them. First of all, it was a double rainbow. And a really crisp one at that. No fuzzy line of mist between colours or anything. Both rainbows were clear and perfectly bright from one horizon to the other. The first rainbow though, was a double decker...what I mean is, as soon as the violet band was finished a red one began and another rainbow was right underneath it. No spaces. And then of course, there was another one above those two. Seriously, it was incredible beautiful. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a month of straight work. The grass here is finally growing and I'll be busy cutting and landscaping 6 days a week. And hopefully by the time Patrick moves out here for good at the end of June, things will be a little more under control so I can help him get set up.

In other news, I recently re-read "The Colour Purple" by Alice Walker. I love that book and this time I came out with more quotes I need to remember.

It? I ast.
Yeah, It. God aint a he or a she, but a It.
But what do it look like? I ast.
Don't look like nothing, she say. It ain't a picture show. It ain't something you can look at apart from anything else, including yourself.

God love everything you love - and a mess of stuff you don't. But more than anything else, God love admiration.
You saying God vain? I ast.
Naw, she say. Not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off if you walk by the colour purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
What it do when it pissed off? I ast.
Oh, it make something else. People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.


Everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk?

Friday, May 8, 2009

before we turn to stone...

I've been kind of silent on the blog front here for a while. I've had an eventful past few weeks...not necessarily in the good kind of way. Its been rough actually. Really rough. I went home for a week for a break. It was nice.
And now I'm back in Edmonton. Working landscaping. Its nice to be outside again all day, but it's terribly lonely this year.
After work, it's finally the time of year when the sun streams into my kitchen windows for most the evening and I can simply sit and sip wine and enjoy it, but Patrick is half a country away and so that makes home feel kind of lonely too.
I do have Jayda around and though she's become pretty sweet towards me, she mostly just brings me dead mice to deal with and covers my sweaters with cat hair.
I am continually flying back and forth between stable and solid and confident and then in the next breath, feeling as though I am, my life is, completely unravelling. Recently someone asked me what has made me thrive lately. I had no answer. I'm mostly just focused on breathing, trying to only deal with the moment I'm in without being overwhelmed by it, let alone being overwhelmed by the future moments it is connected to.

I have been watching the clouds lately though. All these spring rainstorms we've been having this week have made for some beautiful skies. I like to put my iPod to something epic sounding and just look up and watch the sky and breathe. I got to the shop early on wednesday morning, about 6:40 am, and sat on the side of the gravel road, put on this song and watched the sky...some of it looked like this: