and in the end, we lie awake, and we dream of making our escape ...

tidbits from a life rarely expressed by blog lately...

Its sunday morning. I am laying in the tent, in my backyard, in my new amazing sleeping bag. Its been raining little bit by little bit for the past few hours. Big drops hitting the tarp in some irregular rhythm. I have the new Coldplay album on and the screen zipped down enough that its letting in nothing but the scent of rain. That smell mingling with the wood fire smoke and pipe smoke clinging to my clothes and hair (remnants of last night's summer solstice six hour bonfire party) is making the moment absolutely perfect.
Last night Dave brought his guitar and harmonica and diggeridoos and we sat around the fire eating and drinking and laughing and taking turns playing what we could on the diggeridoo - which for most of us, wasn't a whole lot. As the fire died down we all ended up laying on our backs in the grass, feet against the fire pit, watching the sky in silence.
On top of it all, I slept in my contacts. I've never done that before because I've always been too nervous to, but when I got these new contacts, my eye doctor said that I should have no problem sleeping in them for up to 7 nights in a row. Though I'm not sure I'll make a habit of it, I woke up and I was immediately able to see. I haven't had that since grade two.

I have seen your refractions and I did not recognize you...

things I would like the extol the virtues of today:


.Creamy Cucumber salad dressing

.wearing pants that smell of day old wood fire smoke

.asparagus steamed in lemon juice with butter and salt

.down sleeping bags

.trappist beer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trappist_beer)

.the great lake swimmers

.hot chocolate with goldschlagger

.tiny birdhouses

.holes in the knee of my jeans

redford...

I am laying in the grass, watching the sun dip lower and lower as my fire slowly burns out. Last night it was nice and warm at this time, but the breeze has picked up tonight. I can feel my fingers getting a little stiff from the cold as I type and do up the buttons on my favourite plaid shirt to keep out the chill. I realize I haven't been thinking very much lately...well, for any substantial amount of time on one thing. I've been thinking about lots of things, but mostly when I'm driving to or from site listening with one ear to my crew chatting about...whatever, and one ear on the radio. I'm not working this weekend and I think I'll take that time to think. I think I'll try not to use my car this weekend. I'll walk or bike or bus. I think better when I'm doing those things. And I'll try and talk less. Only when I need to, and hopefully mostly to strangers.

This isn't to say that I have big things to think about, its just that I have a million little half-threads of thought that are floating in my mind just waiting to be picked up, needing to be picked up for my sanity. I need time and space to think.

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I just spent the last 25 minutes standing in the middle of the road watching the sun set against the clouds. I was trying to decide whether or not to go check out the poster for the event on the farm tomorrow that was hanging on the fence. Trying to decide whether it was worth braving the wind that I was currently being protected from by the house. As soon as I stepped out from around the house on to the road I sucked in my breath and thought to myself 'there is nothing more beautiful than this'. The colour and the light of the sun stretching out the orange/pink/red clouds against that deep blue endless sky just blew me away. And the wind, oh I love the wind.
I thought to myself that if I had not decided to step out of the yard, to look around the house, I would have never seen it. Sure I would have seen it reflected on the grass and the trees, but not really seen it, experienced it. I think each time I see something that intensely beautiful, it becomes a defining moment in my life. It changes me ever so slightly and I carry it with me. Makes me wonder what other "houses" I'm standing behind that, though they may be protecting me from the 'wind', are standing between me and a defining moment for my soul. Cheesy metaphor? maybe, but I will think on that.