gotta ask yourself the question...

This weekend Jamie and I found ourselves at a heavy metal pub with a random assortment of people...most of them french Canadians. I was talking for a while with Phil about our upcoming roadtrip around the island. He and his friend had just had enough time to rent the car for a few days and had just came back from their whirlwind version of our two week adventure. We were talking about how everyone in Europe seems to fly: even in Iceland, you can fly from Reykjavik in the south to Akureyri in the north rather than make the half day drive. Such a strange and foreign concept for Canadians who see driving from Edmonton to Lethbridge in a morning, no big deal. Phil said something that made me think though, he started to talk about how you don't really understand the land and the people unless you DRIVE it. Jamie and I have this car for two weeks - everyone has looked at us like we are crazy, as a trip around the island can be done in a day or so - but there is something about this country that I want to understand. Something that I will never know if we don't take our time to let the land work itself into us.

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” - Jack Kerouac

look what the light did now...

So I made it safe and sound, writing this blog post at Reykjavik City Hostel. And other than having less than 5 hours of sleep to my credit in the past...well, since Saturday...I am doing excellent and things are slipping along smoothly.

I had an interesting encounters with water in the past few days though. Its not something I think about usually, coming from Alberta and all, but on Tuesday I found myself sitting on the edge of Lake Ontario with Patrick and Jamie. It was the first time I've seen any of the great lakes - I think - and I was pretty amazed by the way the water stretched all the way to the horizon. As we sat there, the waves kept on lapping against the bottom of my shoes. (as some of you have previously read about, I have this thing about the shoes I travel with and was pretty disappointed to not be able to take along my well-traveled blue sneakers this trip) Well, the longer we sat there, the more momentum the waves picked up and then suddenly, one burst up from under my shoe and up over the top of it, down the laces and I watched it drip back into the lake. Jamie laughed and said the great lakes were consecrating my shoes. I've thought about that a lot since then and have come to believe they were. Tuesday was a pretty big, full day for me and it felt like there was something sacred in the way the water ...for lack of a better word maybe... 'baptized' my untraveled, untested shoes. I was still mesmerized by that idea, staring down at my shoes about 5 minutes later when I neglected to see a chain fence that almost took me out at the knees. Its good to have a balance between reality and mysticism.

As a side note, I LOVE Reykjavik. In fact, everything I've seen of this country makes me fall in love with it. So far, it has more that met my expectations. I have so many things I could say here, even though I've only been gone a few days, but I think I'll stop for now. Jamie just updated her blog too though, so if you want a few more details and anecdotes about the trip this far, check it out: http://theblogthatismylife.blog.com/

Also, one last note...I took photos today. Not for a wedding or for a family or for a company...for me. To tell the story of this trip and of how I experience it. It felt really really good.

it felt like floooooooating, it felt like floating...

My candle burns at both ends,
it will not last the night.
But ah, my foes and oh, my friends,
it gives a lovely light!
-edna st. vincent millay




I have to be at the airport in 5 hours. I feel as though the past 48 hours have been frantic, but mostly, I think that is in my head. My head is definitely feeling frantic, but my past two days have been great. I secured a job that I may potentially love for November, I listened to the songs Dave wrote while he was in Kenya, had a sleep over with Karen, sat in on Arlette's 17th Century Lit class (yeah, I'm a geek...but I'm okay with it), had a surprise lunch with Theresa, got my hair cut and had a pint with Sheri. All in all, its been a good time. And on top of it all, I've cleaned the backyard of beer bottles and other post-party debris, I swept and washed the kitchen floor, am currently doing a load of laundry and I bought brand new bobbie pins. So other than actually having something packed, I'm doing well.

In Arlette's class this morning, they were discussing segments of Francis Bacon's writing. I'm not the biggest Bacon fan, but he has a way of putting things that is really beautiful. In his "On Empire", he starts by saying "It is a miserable state of mind to have few things to desire, and many things to fear." He's talking about kings, but I couldn't help but turn it around. While talking with Arlette after class, she said that I have the whole world before me. And she's right. I feel as though I have 'many things to desire and few things to fear'.
What a beautiful place to be in.

how can I get any rest now...

I've had a lot of things on my mind this weekend. After finishing my job on Friday, I started to realize that having to decide what to do and where to work and how it should be done all day at work was nicely keeping all of the things in my head at bay. Suddenly on Saturday, all the floodgates came open. Sometimes my thoughts are so loud and overwhelming I can barely pay attention to the people around me in the present. I think I need a trip. Like, I don't know, Iceland? Say, a week from today?

I also have been thinking lots about what to take and what to leave and I came to the decision to take only my hiking boots for shoes. Which makes me feel pretty torn. I have this pair of blue runners that have been with me everywhere I've traveled. I mean EVERYWHERE. LA, Houston, Honduras, San Fran, Singapore, Nepal, Bangladesh, Victoria, Iowa, Michigan...everywhere (except Quebec, because I didn't own them back then). But I am leaving them at home while I go to Iceland and Ireland and London and I'm feeling pretty sad about that. They don't fair very well in wet conditions (thanks Victoria) so it makes very little sense to even think about bringing them along, but they will be missed. I am going to wear them this week lots to try and make them not feel so bad about not making this trip with me. I took a photo of them this past christmas because I was thinking about how great it is to have shoes that "carry so many stories".

we push and pull, i fall down sometimes, i'm not letting go, you hold the other line....

I changed my flickr screen name today. After 3 years of going by "fatal Cleopatra" (only 18th Century literature enthusiasts understand that one) I have changed it to "bri~".

Yes, I realize flickr is not a "reality"...most days...but it felt pretty momentous to change my name nonetheless. I'm still unsure if I'll stay with it. The thing is, its not just 'from here on in' that my name changes. It changes everything I've commented on retroactively. I feel like flickr has been pretty instrumental in my evolution as a photographer, and to have that journey changed feels...weird.

That being said, I took a photo at Darcel and Chris' wedding yesterday that I'm really proud of and love quite a bit. If you're reading this, you're probably one of two people - my sister or my mom - and so you've probably already looked at it, but if you're not either of those, go check it out. Because I like it lots. And I hope you will too.

http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/onblack.php?id=2814526436&size=large



(for those of you who care...mostly for mom...my web address stays the same on flickr despite my name change. you still type in www.flickr.com/photos/fatalcleopatra to see my stuff)

swing like a wrecking ball, like the heart of god, what a mystery...

Today is quite possibly my last day of work (word is still out on whether or not I'll put in a few hours on Tuesday). I woke up this morning feeling strange that the last 5 months have gone by so fast. Everything is surprising to me this morning, like it has been sneaking up on me and suddenly has decided to hit me full in the face.
Suddenly my job is done.
Suddenly its still night when I wake up.
Suddenly my trip to Iceland is less than 2 weeks away.
Suddenly it is fall.
Suddenly my summer has slipped between my fingers with only a bike ride here and a trip to the waterslides there.

smoke baby smoke baby...

I used to think that spending too much time on my own would make me weird. Now I'm finding that not enough time on my own makes me kind of ordinary.

I've been so busy with work lately and photography projects and planning for Iceland and shooting weddings and more working and keeping up with friends and a little sleeping thrown in, that I haven't had much time to just spend an evening at home in my own head. At folk festival this weekend, I spent a lot of time jumping from friend to friend and visiting and trying to hit up all the artists shows I wanted to see. And then on Sunday morning, while sitting listening to Brett Dennen, Colin Hay and Martha Wainwright, I was looking at the program deciding where to go next and I took in this deep breath and realized what it was I actually wanted to do. What I love so much about folk fest. I laid back against the hill and closed my eyes and let the music just wash over me while I just felt the grass against my shoulders and the sun on my feet and just let myself sink into my surroundings. Being spread so thin this summer, I've forgotten that I need to find those spaces to root. To dig into the moment and just be there. I've been looking so forward to doing that everyday for two months in Iceland, that I've skipped so quickly and shallowly over the past few months that I've let most of my summer slip by me. Today marks one month before I'm waking up in Reykjavik and out of necessity to keep my sanity in the next few hectic weeks, and to make an attempt at taking back my summer, I plan - not to slow down - but to at least give a space for "rooting".

Tonight I chose to take a few moments to cook myself supper and write this blog and think about home. As I cooked, I could smell supper on the stove in Burdett. See my mom shuffle her feet to the music in her head, flipper in hand. Hear my dad coming through the garage door and stamp his boots on the concrete floor. I still heard my dog's collar rattle through the door as she shakes her head and lays down on the step, even though she died months ago. I opened my eyes and breathed in and felt settled. Which is good. I have much to do this week and I need to be able to breathe and think things through to manage everything that must be finished by the time the weekend rolls around.